Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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