The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
