Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
