had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
this just has baby written all over it
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
