i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
so much tequila, so little girl.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
