Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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