wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
