So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Holy sore nipples Batman
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
