ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
