can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
