Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Let's get the cat blown out
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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