Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
