hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
