Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
