why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
