2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
