I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize