is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
