I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
