I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
