Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
