Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
