well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize