Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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