Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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