drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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