my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
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