Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
