There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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