You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
