Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
