I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
