I would go down on you faster than GM stock
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
