do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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