So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
