Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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