Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
