Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize