god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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