Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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