She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
