I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
