I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
