hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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