I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
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