He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
