don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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