This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize