Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
