All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
