its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize