Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
