Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize