Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
So much rum. So many feels.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
