My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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