it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I would ride that face into the sunset
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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