so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
