I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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