i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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