so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
