woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
