I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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