dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
you never un-have a 4some
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
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