it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
