I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
