I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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