she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
