Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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