So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
