The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
