Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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