I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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