so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
