Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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