The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
