SEEEEXXX PLEASE
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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