somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Still dying that you shit outside
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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