Having a random hookup so left but love u
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
