I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
you will always have a special place in my vag
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
BRING THE BAGELS
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
