I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Two words: nipple clamps
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