So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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