i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
In other news, I just burned my penis
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
