shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
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