so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
