Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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