; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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