I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
