I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
