Screwed.edu
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
