Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize