i just had sex bonerless
well most of my day revolves around power hour
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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