evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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