Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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