i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
