a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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