So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
