I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
